Review: Saint's Row: The Third

Saint's Row: The Third

PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC

Publisher: THQ

Developer: Volition, INC

Release Date: 15 November 2011

Do you remember when Grand Theft Auto first went into the 3D space? The games were parodies of popular culture and famous mafia movies. The series got more crazy with Vice City and the send-up of the excesses of the 1980s. And finally, the over-the-top look at 'gangstas' in San Andres. The games were all about the crazy, sociopath main characters inciting violence across town in tanks and skydiving into gun fights. Then it got serious. Volition, INC, makers of the Saint's Row series, started off imitating, but then realized that one of the major draws to open-world crime games is the overblown action. This brings us to their crowning achievement: Saint's Row: The Third.

The Third Street Saints in all their glory

The Third Street Saints gang had risen to amazing heights over the course of the last two games. Their hometown of Stilwater was their oyster. The Saints had risen above petty gang-banging to have their own clothing line, their own energy drinks, members of the gang were comic book and movie heroes and the Saints were seen as icons, not thugs. This is where you begin life, as the head of the Saints, on top of the world. But a routine bank heist turns south and the Saints run afoul of The Syndicate. The Syndicate is a collection of gangs that own Steelport, the new city. Things get out of hand, the Saints are forced to start from the ground up in Steelport and everyone rediscovers the joy of being a 'gangsta.'

One of your rival gangs, the Luchadores

Really, the story is just an excuse for all of the insane action to come. This game isn't meant to be a serious drama (though there are story elements that try to tug at your feelings). This game is meant to be an exciting rollercoaster of destruction fueled by tanks, RPGs and VTOL aircraft. You have access to the entire city from the start. Missions are plentiful and every so often advancing the story opens up a multitude of side missions to keep you busy. While the main campaign is only about 8 hours, the side activities and city takeover missions add a healthy amount of playtime. Getting %100 completion took me nearly 33 hours, and that honestly didn't feel padded.

Pimp and auto-tune enthusiast Zimos 

One of the hallmarks of the series is the customization. The physical options in character creation are robust. These too have many silly options for those that are so inclined. From hair in rollers, strange skin tones, “sex appeal” (larger breasts or package), and the fact that no option is locked to “male” or “female” characters. Couple this with six voice options, and a hilarious Zombie seventh, and your character can be just about anything you'd like. The clothing options are also rather extensive. Aspiring gangstas can dress in business suits, fashionable “urban” wear, costumes (for the Furry-curious) or naughty leather/lace combinations. Though the options are not as in depth as Saint's Row 2, there are plenty of clothing options to keep you changing things up. For a time, my character had the Cockney accent (male), purple hair that would have made a Squaresoft hero blush and she chose to wear only a g-string, strappy heels and pasties while running about with her dual SMGs. The absurdity of a nearly naked stripper in serious discussions with fellow gangstas killed any sense of gravitas the plot may have had. And Volition wouldn't have it any other way.

One of the clothing stores is called Let's Pretend

To compliment the clothing options, there is an upgrade system for you and your gang. Spending money on damage reductions, extra ammo or better weaponry is great. New upgrades are handed out regularly, and nearly all of them are useful. Most will allow you to be more badass and take more damage. Others grant perks like having vehicles (including tanks and a VTOL at later levels) brought to you or having your notoriety (how badly the police and rival gangs want you dead) wiped clean. Your “homies” (gang members you have fight by your side) can also be upgraded. Most of the upgrades for your gang are cosmetic, but a significant portion goes toward making them heartier, carry better weapons, and allow more of them to assist you. Since you get money for taking over the city (every 10 minutes of real time nets you your city takeover amount) and for completing missions, that money can be spent on cosmetics or perks. You'll never lack for things to buy, and that's part of the fun!

Character creation has plenty of options

Story missions are the most straight-forward of the game. Players are tasked with going to way-points on the map, killing a lot of rival gang members and returning home. These were simple, but usually fun. The best parts came from the dialog from your “homies” that tag along. Discussions about what they all do in their free time is hilariously out of place during running gun battles with luchadores, cyber-punks and the military. These are rarely memorable, but are never completely forgettable. Really, they are perfectly normal distractions. The plot advances quickly enough so that the main story never feels too long, and side missions are unlocked with satisfactory speed.

Gangbangin' Saint's style!

It's these side missions that really comprise the best (and worst) of the game. Most of the “activities” are events that take no more than 10 minutes, and doing it once unlocks two more instances in the same section of the city. The best of these are exciting, fun and challenging. “Professor Genki's Super Ethical Reality Climax,” has you shooting through a maze of thugs, looking for bonus targets and avoiding fire/electricity traps. The whole thing is presented like a Japanese gameshow, and the commentary from the announcers is priceless. “Heli Assault” has you flying an attack helicopter and playing guardian to a friend on the ground. It's great fun to blow cars to bits with missiles and other ordinance. One of the harder activities is “Escort.” Half of these involve fleeing the press as your client and a “special friend” enjoy some quality time in the backseat. These are fine, until the client gives you some arbitrary side task (like run over this specific person or get 3 seconds of airtime). The other half find you and a tiger in the car. The tiger will get angry and claw you (causing you to lose control) and only driving insanely fast while avoiding collisions will calm the beast. If driving a tiger about isn't crazy enough, you can always cause as much destruction as possible with a tank or your own hands. Or, you can use your body as a human crash-test dummy and rack up the insurance payouts. Also included are assassination targets and vehicle thefts. The former are great fun and are satisfying to accomplish. The latter...well...

Some side activities are absurd...OK most are

Some of the side missions are not well done and the game can suffer for it. Vehicle thefts are great in theory, but the fact that you have grab specific vehicles from specific parts of the city gets annoying. Why should I have to go get THIS skidoo, when I have one in my garage that I could use? Why do I have to get one from THIS part of town? When you do get the target vehicle, the police automatically want you rather dead. This lead to some frustrating deaths (or the destruction of the vehicle a mere block from the end). Another diversion that is more frustrating than fun is “Snatch.” These missions have you running about trying to pick up people (hos or clients) and drop them off at a specific location. The game's spotty AI causes the issues here as, all too often, the characters you want to collect will slowly walk around the car and then away and then back around before entering. The strict time limit is bad enough, but you are usually surrounded by hostile forces the entire time. If you are thrown out of your car, the others are as well. It happened far too often that I would be short by mere seconds because the idiot AI wouldn't get in the car, so I was thrown out and the dance started again when I retook my ride.

Don't mess with the Saints, it ends poorly

Minus the occasional dumb AI, the game looks and runs great. The city has a lot of diversity and each area has it's own identity. I rarely noticed any slowdown or glitches while playing, and when they did happen it never disrupted game flow enough to be a bother. The cars all handle well and are fun to drive. Motorcycles are twitchy and difficult to control, but super fun once you get the hang of them. Flying is easy, and since the flying vehicles usually have weapons, they are the most enjoyable to roll about town in. The game has a bunch of licensed music, and while each station has it's own identity, they are not as well thought out or as funny as the ones in Grand Theft Auto. All of the voice acting is well done, too. Each “voice” for your character adds their own flavor to the script, so the Cockney male uses different slang than the Russian female. The side characters are all awesome. Auto-tuned pimp Zimos takes the cake, but many others are charming, funny and even lovable. Overall, the game is pretty, runs well and sounds great.

Mission 2 (a tutorial) in it's entirety.  The game only gets more insane from here

This game is insane. I could point to any number of gonzo things that make no sense but brought a smile to my face. Things like a low speed gun-chase in gimp-pulled rickshaws, driving tigers around for kicks, fighting gangs based on luchadores or even the second mission (shown above) are all just parts of the insanity of this game. I have left the most out-there stuff for you to find on your own. If you are looking for a fun, open-world sandbox, buy this game. If you found that the best parts of the GTA games were rampaging through the streets with tanks, buy this game. If you are looking for something that's crazy, hilarious and never without tongue planted firmly in cheek, buy this game. The game is all about sex, violence and sociopathy. If you go in knowing that, or better yet, wanting that, then you won't be disappointed.

Score: 9 out of 10

Bottom Line: An insane romp that isn't serious, but is seriously fun

Check it out if you like: GTA III, GTA: San Andres, over-the-top action, sex and violence